Hi, this is Pooh joining…

To begin, I need to tell you mere mortals (yeah, all of you who don’t know what Agile methodology is) about Agile methodology. I would also like to clarify that I am not a dissident as far as it is concerned with Agile.

In fact, I love the Agile methodology, its charter and its principles. There are projects, which would so much fit in that methodology and ours too fits in that, even though many on my project would not buy that.

So, Agile/Scrum in simplest terms is an iterative and incremental development methodology in which teams start with a backlog of all identified tasks, groups the tasks into scrums and then start off, with weekly/bi-weekly deadlines, where the deliverable of scrum is tested/verified by designated personnel.

Well, enough of the technical mumbo-jumbo. This is not the intent of this post.

Once upon a time, when a project was being run under Agile/Scrum and there used to be a daily status call (as per the methodology) to track the work of developers -what happened the past day and what they have planned for the day after.

15 minutes into the call,  a beep..

Scrum Master: Hi, who just joined?

New Joinee: Hi, this is Pooh joining

Scrum Master: Oh hi Pooh, How are ya?

Pooh: Hey Scrum Master, am doing good. What bt you?

Scrum Master: Doing good enough. BTW, this is a show and tell meeting.

Scrum Master: So, Pooh, do you have anything to show today? Were you working on some story (tasks are organized as stories)?

Pooh: Yeah, I was working on Honey Extraction story. There are two tasks under it. Task 201: Extraction of honey from beehive Task 202: Import honey into jars

Scrum Master: Excellent! But I am not sure, I noticed this story and also the story seems a bit weird.

Senior Dev 1: Pooh, I’ve a question here. What story was that? And where have you placed the jars? – Common or core? Just asking coz I did not hear about this story and I want to check what has been uploaded onto the branch.

Pooh: This is the story I work on every day. Well, sometimes I work on some other things too. About the jars – Actually I have just put them on my desk as of now, since I was getting late for the call. Also, Senior Dev 1 , I have not hear of this Common or Core. Are they some new location, as in address where we are supposed to place our jars?

Senior Dev 1: What do you mean, you have not heard of Common and Core? And I did not get you, when you used the term “location”. Are you clear what are we talking about? And all that crap about story?

Pooh: I am talking about what I did today and then you asked me where do I keep my jars. I usually keep my jars on my shelf by the window in my kitchen

Senior Dev 1: What the beep that means?

Scrum Master: Guys, I think this is an aftercall (When you are going to talk about something apart from just giving the status, be it clarification of something or discussion on some issues, which need not involve the entire team)

Senior Dev 1: No, Scrum Mater, I think we should get it cleared right now with the entire team. I am not sure, I understand what Pooh is talking about. All of a sudden he’s talking like an idiot with that jar thing.

Beep Beep (The other end of the line, with people at onshore, the phone goes mute to discuss something)

Senior Dev 2: (Intervening) Guys, I think we have got the wrong Pooh.

Scrum Master: Oh yeah, all of a sudden, I also feel that. Wait, let’s just ask him.

Beep Beep (The line is open again)

Scrum Master: Hi Pooh, we’re back again, are you Pooh Sharma?

Pooh: No, I am Winnie-the-Pooh, the bear

(Everyone else on the call suddenly goes WTF! WTF!)

Scrum Master: What? Pooh Bear

Pooh: Yeah

Scrum Master: Pooh, you’re on the wrong call. This call is for a different project.

Pooh: Is it?

Scrum Master: Yes, you moron! You wasted our valuable time with your stupid honey and jars

Pooh: I am sorry guys! I will disconnect now and check whether Tigger, Piglet and my other friends are still waiting on the other bridge. Apologies once again. I’ll send some honey to you’all for this inconvenience.

Senior Dev 3: Poooh, just upload it on the branch and we’ll get it from there.

Pooh: Sure, I’ll pu.. I mean upload the jar on the branch of Maple tree.

Senior Dev 3: WTF! Leave it Pooh. You enjoy your honey. And please disconnect now.

Pooh: Thanks to you’ll for being patient and not hurling abuses at me.

(Everyone mumbles: Wait till you disconnect moron)

Beep Beep (Pooh disconnects)

Scrum Master: Guys, we had enough for today. We’ll reconvene tomorrow.


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